When Forgiveness Is Weaponised – And Why That Hurts Your Financial Healing

There’s been a big wave of conversations lately about forgiveness. From spiritual teachings to self-help content, it seems everyone is talking about letting go, forgiving quickly, and “moving on with your life.”

And while yes, forgiveness can be a powerful part of healing, we need to talk about the shadow side—because sometimes, forgiveness is weaponised. And when that happens, it causes more harm than good.

The Problem With “Just Let It Go”

Have you ever been told to “forgive and forget”?
Or maybe someone said,

“You’re still not over that?”
“Why are you holding onto the past?”
“It’s just money, you’ll make more.”

Comments like these might come from well-meaning people, but they carry a dismissive energy. They invalidate the pain of the experience. They skip over the hard part—the part where you feel the pain, process it, and understand how deeply it impacted you. Especially when money is involved.

Because money isn’t just money.

💫It’s security.
💫It’s autonomy.
💫It’s choice.
💫 It’s safety.
💫 It’s worth.

When something financial happens—maybe someone stole from you, betrayed you in a business deal, didn’t pay you what you were owed, or maybe you made a decision that led to financial loss—it doesn’t just affect your bank account.

It affects your nervous system.

It affects your ability to trust yourself and others.
It affects how safe you feel in the world.

Where Forgiveness Becomes Harmful

When we’re told to skip over our feelings and just “let go,” we’re being asked to deny our humanity.
We’re being told that our pain is inconvenient, uncomfortable, or too much.

But real healing doesn’t happen through suppression. It happens when we allow ourselves to feel.

That tightness in your chest when you think about the unpaid invoice.
That sinking feeling in your stomach when you remember the job you didn’t get.
The tension in your jaw when you recall the financial decision you made that you now regret.

Those are not signs of weakness.
They’re your body telling you there’s something that still needs attention.

Forgiveness and Financial Trauma

Financial trauma is real.
Whether it’s intergenerational poverty, being manipulated out of money, or the shame that comes from a financial mistake—we carry that in our bodies. And for many women, we also carry a history of being excluded from financial systems, being told money isn’t our domain, or being made to feel “bad” for wanting financial independence.

So when we say things like “just forgive,” without first doing the work to understand and process what happened, we’re skipping a crucial step.

Forgiveness isn’t something you owe to anyone else.
It’s something you may choose to give yourself when you’re ready—if and when it feels healing for you.

But we cannot rush it.
We cannot be bullied into it.
And we cannot bypass the emotions just because they make others uncomfortable.

What It’s Really About

It’s not about the money.
It’s about what the money represented:

• The freedom you lost

• The power that was taken from you

• The trust that was broken

• The safety that was shattered

Money is often the visible piece of a much deeper wound.

So no, it’s not “just money.”
It’s your lived experience.
And it deserves to be acknowledged, honoured, and worked through with care.

So What Can You Do Instead?

If you’ve experienced financial harm—whether at the hands of someone else or through a choice you now regret—start here:

• Pause. Don’t force yourself to “move on.” Give yourself permission to stay with the feeling.

• Ask your body. Where do you feel this? What sensations come up when you think about it?

• Name the truth. What did that financial loss actually take from you?

• Write it down. Journaling helps bring clarity to the emotional and energetic layers of financial pain.

• Get support. Healing doesn’t have to be a solo experience. A coach, therapist, or trusted friend can hold space for you.

• When you're ready, only then explore forgiveness. And make sure it's on your terms.

You’re Allowed to Take Your Time

Forgiveness is powerful—but only when it’s honest.
Only when you’ve acknowledged the wound first.
Only when the forgiveness is for you, and not to make someone else more comfortable.

Your pain matters.
Your healing matters.
And your relationship with money deserves the same tenderness and time as any other wound.